This is a warning that what you are about to read will be a lot heavier than what I have been normally talking about, but sometimes life takes you down a path that you don't anticipate on going. I have been known to have a very detailed memory. I remember odd things, like what my friend, Elsa was wearing nearly 15 years ago the day I met her. It would stand to reason that I would remember such a horrifying event as the one that occurred a year and a half ago. Taken from my journal:
July 15, 2008
Our Father, who art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day, our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdome, and the power, and the glory,
forever and ever.
I have recited this over and over again the last ten minutes as I have been in shock. I woke up this morning to my son screaming at the top of his lungs, my husband flipping on the lights and yelling, "where is his pen???? WHERE IS HIS PEN" As I try to wake up and understand what he is talking about, I look at E and he has begun an anaphylatic shock. This would be the fourth in our family and each time my heart sinks. I sprint to get it, I hold him down, as my husband injects the pen into my son who is now lifeless and unrecognizable. I yell that he has to go to the emergency room. I can't remember if I am supposed to give him benadryl or not after the epi-pen. What kind of mother am I? Why can't I remember???? Not to double dose him, I carry my son and sprint towards the car. My husband drives off with my baby to the emergency room. For the first time, I am left alone, in a dark house, awaiting the phone call which could change my life forever. The only thing I could do is write. If not, I think I would go insane. Please pray for my son. please.
I have been there for all anaphylatic shocks. I have been the one in the emergency room by myself each time. R has had 2 while E has now had 2. I don't know what is worse, to be driving and looking in the rear view mirror horrified that your son looks nothing like himself and acts nothing like himself, thinking, breathe, just breathe or be waiting with no one to hold and be comforted by, not knowing what is going on, to just be in the dark, waiting for the phone to ring. What I would give to switch places with my son right now. He is the love of my life and if I were to lose any aspect of him, I know I will never be whole. He is part of me, forever. God above, please watch after my son. Please protect him and bring him back to me. I am his mother and he is my child. I need him in my life. He is my life.
Those were the horrifying events of E's last anaphylactic shock. He was bitten by an ant. The fact that a tiny little insect can cause such a tremendous outcome is mind boggling to me. Last night, R had his 3rd anaphylactic shock and it nearly changed my life. I anticipated sharing many different recipes on this blog. Never in a million years did I think I would be sharing this one. I just learned it last night and I thought it was definitely a recipe worth saving:
- 30 minutes
- 1 epipen jr.
- 1 shot of steroids
- 1 nebulizer
- 2 doses of inhaling drugs
- 1 oxygen tank
- 1 amazing pediatrician
- 4 incredible RN's
- many prayers
Why share something that is so personal? Because I want people to be aware that food allergies can be the meaning of life and death and when someone says they are allergic, it is not something you should take lightly. I read a story where a person died from eating an icecream with nuts. She had told the person behind the counter that she was allergic to nuts and asked for another icecream cone. Instead of making a new one, they just scraped it off the top. She ended up dying.
This blog today is dedicated to the team of nurses and doctors that joined forces to saving my son. I am eternally grateful for all that they did. As stated in the 2008 journal entry, I am his mother and he is my child. I need him in my life. He is my life. This is definitely the greatest birthday gift I could ever imagine getting.
Life is definitely short. Try to live your life to the fullest. Don't go a moment without telling your loved ones how much you love and adore them. Never say goodbye without kisses and hugs. Be grateful for every minute of the day. Forget about the little things that bother you. Remember all the things that make you happy. Live, love, and learn like today was your last. Those are the things that I aspire to live by from now on. I believe it is the greatest lesson I could have learned on my birthday. I hope to aspire you to live this way as well.